Returned ritual...

I had a frustrating afternoon yesterday to say the least. I wanted nothing more for the evening than to snuggle up with Master and, if he was willing, a good flogging. Well, he was willing, but our bodies weren't, because we both started dozing off on the couch shortly after dinner. So we got up, went to bed, and to my delight last night was the return of two of our prior bed time rituals. That helped me to feel more grounded even though I didn't get the "play" I was hoping for. One ritual was the rope/cuff that attaches my ankle to the bedpost. It's got a long enough length I can make it to the bathroom without having to wake Master up to get un-attached. The other was the return of my locking collar for sleep time. Generally in the past Master would put this collar on me as soon as we were done going out and about, but on days when that just didn't happen due to being busy, it used to always go on at bed time if nothing else. My heart is gladdened by the return of these two rituals. I know that D/s is not about all the "trappings" and "window dressings" but good tangible things like these really help me to center myself on who I am and my place in our relationship.

(Edited to fix typos! Wow you can tell I wrote this early in the morning!)

Not sure what to write...

I'm having trouble with this blog. I really want to write frank posts about my day to day life with my Master, but I'm finding myself really hesitant to put things out there. Maybe its because people I know can read this blog. In the past, when I had a blog about this side of me, the only ones who read it were people I knew over the internet, so that made it less scary. Although I suspect this is only an excuse. I think the deeper reason I've been hesitant to post is because if I put things in words, it takes thoughts. It means I'll have to actually examine myself and my relationship in detail. And I'm afraid that I'll find myself lacking... I'm by no means the perfect slave, or even a good slave much of the time, at least in my opinion. I know it's Master's opinion that "matters" more - it is his call on if I'm "good enough" to be his slave - but it still is hard when I'm so riddled with self-doubt.

I'm sure I'm far from the only one who feels this way. I think feelings like this can be valuable if they aren't too self-consuming because they can make a slave try even harder to be good and pleasing in her Owner's sight.

I'm looking forward to when he gets home so I can try again tonight!

First post...

I am trying to navigate the blogger and so far, I am liking how user friendly this website is!

Not much to post about at the moment, I just wanted to test out the posting functions.