I'm having trouble with this blog. I really want to write frank posts about my day to day life with my Master, but I'm finding myself really hesitant to put things out there. Maybe its because people I know can read this blog. In the past, when I had a blog about this side of me, the only ones who read it were people I knew over the internet, so that made it less scary. Although I suspect this is only an excuse. I think the deeper reason I've been hesitant to post is because if I put things in words, it takes thoughts. It means I'll have to actually examine myself and my relationship in detail. And I'm afraid that I'll find myself lacking... I'm by no means the perfect slave, or even a good slave much of the time, at least in my opinion. I know it's Master's opinion that "matters" more - it is his call on if I'm "good enough" to be his slave - but it still is hard when I'm so riddled with self-doubt.
I'm sure I'm far from the only one who feels this way. I think feelings like this can be valuable if they aren't too self-consuming because they can make a slave try even harder to be good and pleasing in her Owner's sight.
I'm looking forward to when he gets home so I can try again tonight!
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